Today was the first time i've been able to listen to this song in about 2 months. At first i deleted it because it reminds me of him and since we were no longer talking it completely ruined the song. A couple weeks later i thought, "i still love that song though, of course i can still listen to it". i downloaded it again. Nope, still couldn't. So, again, i deleted it and every time it came on the radio i would switch stations as quick as i recognized exactly what song it was.
Then today happened. i don't know quite what's different about today except i finally thought through the fact that i can only control so many things. And those things i can't control i shouldn't stress myself over. Kind of a go-with-the-flow thing but with a positive attitude. Make the best of the situation and do what i can to the best of my abilities. Literally, that is all i can do.
Now i have no idea how this changes my feelings about this song, but it was on the radio as i was leaving work. My hand went straight to change the station when i paused (i hadn't started driving yet, don't worry). i don't remember just what i was thinking but it was something like "i can handle this now". And i listened to the rest of the song! in the grand scheme of things it is a teeny little win. But in the here and now, after an off week full of crazy emotions and school work, it was huge. All i could think afterwards was, "i can totally, totally handle things now". i don't know exactly what all those "things" are, but for now this is enough.