when it's not right

it was a short-lived relationship between me and the ArmyMan. We'd been exclusive for a week before i got that pit in my stomach. i attributed it to school nerves since i was just beginning classes up at Westminster College for the summer. After i could tell the school nerves had dissipated, i could still feel that pit. i hadn't slept well for a couple of nights and so took the time to pray about why i was still feeling this way. What could possibly be wrong?

Then i knew why.

As much as i always thought if the ArmyMan and i were to be together it would be a for sure 'yes'....it isn't. it's quite the opposite. For whatever reason (which is unknown because he'd been a really great boyfriend) it isn't right  for us. And i knew it in my core.

When we ended up talking about it, he let me know that he'd actually had the same feeling for a few days; the feeling that we weren't right for each other.

Things ended with us wishing the best for each other and no hard feelings over our relationship not panning out. After all, it's best we follow that prompting and find what is right for us rather than try and force anything.

We are still friends, in a way. We're not not-friends but we also aren't buddy-buddy either. And i'm ok with that; because i know it's for the best and that things will work out in each of our favor in the end.

the armyman

The ArmyMan has recently reappeared in my life. Recently as in the last couple of months. Previously (due to his disappearance from my life for about a year) i had discounted any interest in him. Why pursue interest in someone who isn't reciprocating? And then a while after things ended with the Fireman, the ArmyMan reappeared. We hung out. We went on a couple of dates. i was still feeling the need to just be single and date because i wasn't quite sure i was even ready for another relationship or if i honestly knew what i wanted.

After letting the ArmyMan in on how i felt, he was ok to take things slow. Shortly afterwards i realized i actually only want to date him. Yep. i then had to prepare myself to let him know because any relationship between us was kind of resting on my shoulders since i wanted to take things slow (not to say that i want to rush things, but just that my feelings have been made up in regards to him).

He and i went on a drink run whilst chilling up at Miss Calah's. After a rather hilarious joke, i decided there was no time like the present to tell him my current thoughts.

"You know a few weeks ago when i told you i wanted to keep things slow? Well i've also realized since then that i only want to date you. So there's that" (Romantic, huh?)

That was that and we decided to be exclusive. Who'd have thought this would ever actually turn into something? Well whoever did, i'm glad because, let's face it, i'm rather excited it has turned into something.

the point

i don't quite know what the point of this post is. Except to say that in all honesty, i'm doing great. it's been fairly hit or miss over the last month what with the dating aspect of my life.

Last weekend was rough. Doubts swirled and stormed and created new doubts and nothing i was doing (aside from career) really felt right and i couldn't figure it out. i would pray about an answer and then doubt my confirmation and it was driving me crazy. After some sound advice i realized why. This led to a complete change in the way i viewed my prayers and following answers. That led to the metaphorical weights on my shoulders being lifted and the knot in my stomach disappearing.

And for once after what felt like forever (but i'm sure was not) i felt light. Just...good. And i knew it would all turn out ok. (it helps that he took the finalness of everything so well).

i just..i get it now. And i understand the things i need to work on to truly be the person i want to be. Not that i'm a bad person now, but i want to be and can be so much more and i can see it now.

So i guess that's it, the point. That i understand now. it's a beautiful revelation, really. A light one. And it helps.

eventually time will pass

Why on earth does time take so dang long to just...pass? The moments and days you actually want to breeze through and forget and move past somehow take the longest and the ones you want to stop end in a blink.

Some days are just naturally easier. You wake up and you can just tell that the day is going to be good. Thankfully.

Others...seem to move by at a snail's pace; slow as molasses giving the hurt the opportunity to come back. To linger awhile. Giving you too much time to think.

You know full well that there will be more good days than bad. You know. But the waiting for enough time to pass...How much is enough anyways?

consequences

No matter how hard it is, how hurt you feel, how betrayed you feel..."in the morning the sun will rise" and eventually it will be ok.

actions

"No action of ours comes without consequences to others".

Truer words....

music pt. 98

i will admit that i sobbed to this song driving home last night...

a monday day date

For Martin Luther King Jr. Day this last week, neither the Fireman or i had school (he doesn't have school on Mondays anyways, but whatever). in honor of having a few spare moments where we didn't have to think about school or work we went on a Monday day date full of fun! The plan was to take the Frontrunner train from Provo to Ogden and back since the Fireman's favorite things in the entire whole wide world are trains.

To make the most of our time, we started early. We made the train in Provo right before 8 in the AM and made a stop in Orem for breakfast.

Our adventure included quite a bit of walking and meandering.

The train ride north was full of chatter, pictures, music, and Mad Libs. We're obviously just really hilarious. 

The adventure continued at Union Station in Ogden. The day really turned out to be quite the fantastic train date. The Fireman waltzed with me through the main room on our way to tour the train exhibit (the little old man at the information desk even clapped for us).

We decided on our way back south (as we munched on delicious Lunchables) that it would only make sense to play in Salt Lake for a wee smidge. We meandered through City Creek spending quite a bit of time at Deseret Book (i just love the book stores!).

By the time we headed back down to Provo for good, we were both exhausted and starving. Good thing we had Joe Bandido's planned for dinner because i don't know if anything would have sufficed. The chips and salsa are divine and make the trip to Springville worth it (unlike Guru's. i'm still peeved about that warm salsa the other day...)

As you can see, Monday day dates are really just fabbity-fab-fab and i can see many more coming. 

*Sidenote: after deleting the pictures on my computer they deleted from the blog...oh well.

the fireman

The Fireman and i have been dating for a couple of months now so it's only fitting to actually introduce him.

For starters, he's a certified firefighter (obviously) working his way to fight wildland fires.

We met at a ward bonfire at the beginning of Fall semester, he asked if i wanted to light some sparklers with him, and that was that. Actually, we didn't see each other for a few weeks. Until one fine Sunday he and his roommate sat next to me at church. The Fireman complimented me by telling me how cute i looked and proceeded to invite me to attend the dating Sunday School class. He then officially asked me on a date and that was (kind of) that. 

We went on some dates (both spontaneous and planned), decided we really like each other, and things got exclusive. 

Pretty much just very exciting. 

Things since have been fab and The Fireman is grand. We even love each other (crazy, right?). We have tons of fun, even if it's just a chill night watching a movie. Once we turned on The Emperor's New Groove to see if we could quote the whole movie. He opens doors for me, he plays guitar, he embraces and brings out the silly in me, he loves kids, he's opinionated like crazy, he loves tasteybevs, we sometimes speak small phrases in French (with the trusty help of Google Translate), he loves trains, he tells me i'm beautiful all the time, he hugs me tight... all good things, all good things.

He visited home over Christmas break and got to meet the fam. They were welcoming and grand (as always) and it was simply lovely getting to spend my vacation with all those people i love. We spent some time with his fam when we got back to Utah and, again, it was simply lovely.

Life for us is now zooming ahead what with the start of a new semester and everything. Our schedules are hectic and bizarre sometimes but he embraces it with me. 

i can't predict everything in the future but things are looking bright!

the magic begins

"Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of Number Four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much..."

(excerpt taken from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone; as if you didn't already know).



So long folks, i'm off on a much-loved adventure!
 

"time sighed"...

i had the chance to start rereading my absolute favorite book again today. oh, how i love love!

"Beyond reason, beyond any sane rationalization, beyond anything reasonable, she was having her door currently opened by a man who she absolutely knew wasn't what he was pretending to be. 
    He held out his hand to help her out of the car. 
    And time stopped. 
    She wasn't one to indulge in thoughts of magical moments or slices of time where Karma was doing what she did, but she was left with no choice but to acknowledge that she was, unwillingly and with a good deal of unease, facing one of those moments. The world had gone still and quiet, as if it along with time held its breath for something monumental to happen. 
    Tess didn't dare look at John to see if he was wrapped up in the same bit of stardusty sort of stuff she was. She simply took a very careful breath and put her hand in his. 
     As if she'd done it a million unthinking, unremarkable times before. 
    Only she hadn't. 
    Time sighed."


(the link will take you to the B&N listing for the book One Magic Moment by Lynn Kurland where this excerpt is from)

music pt. 14

if you know me but at all then you know how much i love instrumentals (Riverdance? Yes. Gavin Mikhail? Of course. Lindsey Stirling? Heck to the yes!), soundtracks (Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Transformers, etc...), and the like.

Well i recently saw Safe Haven with Misses Momo and Kirsten (and loved it by the way! So much that i bought it right away when i found out it was already on DVD). i also downloaded the soundtrack and musical score right when i got home. it's just got that lighthearted, love-y, spring-y thing going on. And i love it!

So here you go! 2013's spring-y musical faves! (note: not ALL of these are in Safe Haven. But they do follow the vibe).

Brandi Carlisle "Heart's Content"

 Tristan Prettyman "Say Anything"

David Choi "By My Side"

Ingrid Michaelson "You and I"

The White Buffalo "Sleepy Little Town"

The Hush Sound "Echo"

 

the office: i want that

Ok, so i don't want an office environment like in The Office. While it's hilarious to watch, i don't know if i could handle a boss like Michael Scott.

However.

As i watch the hilariosity ensue, the characters develop, the story unfold, relationships begin and end and continue, i just can't get over Jim and Pam's relationship. How freaking cute are they? Too cute, that's how much (considering cuteness isn't a measurable "object" it's amazing that you can be too much of it). So ya. Jim and Pam? Adorable. And realistic; you see these movie romances which are great but would never ever happen. This is just a couple of best friends who make each other laugh because they're the same kind of goofy and they get each other. And THAT is what i want; simple, real, meaningful, thoughtful, silly, and all the good things. :)

loving looks (the kind on tv)

i've recently begun watching The Office on Netflix (turns out they have the first 8 seasons. Score!). Aside from being absolutely hilarious, the relationship between Pam and Jim is freaking adorable. There's something about the way that Jim looks at her. i mean, he just adores her. And i love that.

(Now they just need to be together. Which i know happens eventually thank heavens because Roy is stupid-head).

flirty findings

Tonight i went on a drink run with Miss Chaela and Miss Ariel (Miss Chaela's family calls it "getting a bev". Adorable, right?) and as we were getting in the car to come back to the apartments Miss Chaela goes "Emme, can i tell you about an awesome compliment you received the other day?" Rather surprised to here this i said "Sure?" because i really didn't know who would be talking about me or why, but by all means compliments are fab!

She tells me she'd been hanging out at one of the guys' apartments a little ways back (within the last week, i believe) and the conversation turns to girls and dating and whatnot. Kind of a dating panel situation where you can just ask whatever you feel and someone will give you an honest answer. These conversations can be rather handy when you actually have both genders represented but at the same time you can't always follow the advice to a T because everyone's different. Anywho. Dating conversation. Miss Chaela asks what it is about some girls that they just get asked out a lot (because you have the obvious super-hot-gorgeous chicks who you know just get asked out all the time, but then there are girls who are just absolute dolls and super cute such as yourself and you wonder what they're doing that you aren't kind of thing). The guys discuss a few qualities and then one of them (Hawaii #1) says "you just need to be like Emme. Like, she's the perfect balance of being sweet and showing she's interested without being overbearing". Huh. According to Hawaii #1 i'm the perfect flirt. Which really is quite the compliment (especially considering he's quite the dater). So ya. interesting because i don't consider myself to be all that expert in flirting or dating by any means but i try to be fun and just not too analytical about it (which is a challenge because over-thinking is easy to do). But ya. Apparently i'm good?

"i like you"

Found this on Pinterest. i think it's adorable (hopefully you do too).

Paperman by Disney

if you haven't seen the new Disney short film 'Paperman' then you need to click on the link at the end of this post right this very instant. Seriously. Get to it!

What you will see is the cutest ever love story told in less than 10 minutes. Well, after the beginning of 'Up' when Ellie and Carl fall in love, obviously. 'Paperman' is simple, sophisticated, and absolutely adorable.

Kudos to Disney for bringing magic to the mundane real world.


Paperman - Full Animated Short Film

today is different

Today was the first time i've been able to listen to this song in about 2 months. At first i deleted it because it reminds me of him and since we were no longer talking it completely ruined the song. A couple weeks later i thought, "i still love that song though, of course i can still listen to it". i downloaded it again. Nope, still couldn't. So, again, i deleted it and every time it came on the radio i would switch stations as quick as i recognized exactly what song it was.

Then today happened. i don't know quite what's different about today except i finally thought through the fact that i can only control so many things. And those things i can't control i shouldn't stress myself over. Kind of a go-with-the-flow thing but with a positive attitude. Make the best of the situation and do what i can to the best of my abilities. Literally, that is all i can do.

Now i have no idea how this changes my feelings about this song, but it was on the radio as i was leaving work. My hand went straight to change the station when i paused (i hadn't started driving yet, don't worry). i don't remember just what i was thinking but it was something like "i can handle this now". And i listened to the rest of the song! in the grand scheme of things it is a teeny little win. But in the here and now, after an off week full of crazy emotions and school work, it was huge. All i could think afterwards was, "i can totally, totally handle things now". i don't know exactly what all those "things" are, but for now this is enough.